milesfromfine | My life's a jigsaw puzzle with the corner pieces missing.

True to their word, Ellen and Bobby had Sam in a real rehab center just as quick as they could arrange it. He wasn't sure how they'd managed it financially and that worry weighed on him as much as all the rest. Another item to add to the miles-long list of ways he'd complicated their lives.

He hadn't seen or heard from Dean since Bobby found him in that motel, either. His brother might have finally given up on him. Sam couldn't help but be a little glad for him, even though he felt the loss like a physical wound every day.

The rehab place wasn't... awful. Sam was messed up enough to resent being there and the withdrawals he suffered through in the first few days were horrific, although they did have medicines that helped a little. After he'd come through them and began to resemble something more like human, they'd started his treatment.

Or, tried to, anyway. Sam wasn't really interested in 'opening up' to strangers and being locked in a place he couldn't leave wasn't really encouraging him to change his mind on it. Progress was slow. Very slow. Sam wasn't sure he'd ever get to leave the place, which was probably exactly what he deserved.

The only part of the whole mess that didn't suck completely was the time each day that he was permitted to sit in the sun room with the other patients. He hadn't really done much in the way of mingling, but it was nice to sit in the seats along the big windows and feel the sun on his face for a while.

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For a second, the kiss went askew when Sam smiled a little. He was floating a little on the sensation, familiar like a high. Of course, that thought scared him more than a little. Highs always came with their crashes. Usually ugly ones.

Sam broke the kiss and drew Gabriel into a bear hug, resting his forehead against his shoulder. He dragged in a shaky breath. "I'm scared I'm going to fuck this up. I always fuck up good things. I don't want to hurt you... end up taking you down with me."

Gabriel wrapped his arms around Sam, content to sink into the strength of that embrace as he brought up a hand to rest in his hair. "Me too Sammy. But maybe.. we keep each other from falling down this time. They keep saying in therapy we have to find our reason for wanting to get clean and get the hell outta here."

He pulled back just enough to look down at him. "Don't know about you but I'm pretty sure I just found mine."

A reason to stay dried out this time, to stay sober and see if maybe he could make things work. Because if he could? Maybe him and Sam..

Well. Maybe.

It was a little daunting to think that he could be someone's reason for changing their lives. Ellen and Bobby had rearranged theirs a time or two because of him, but not like this. Sam wasn't sure he amounted to enough to be that reason Gabe needed.

But, he kinda wanted it.

"I hope so. I don't mind if it's me falling on my face, but I don't want to bring anyone else down to the gutter with me."

"So look at it this way then. I'm between you and the ground. You start falling, I'll be here to catch you before you faceplant." Not that he thought Sam would, or that he'd be enough to catch him. But it'd be nice to try for him.

"You're not gonna fall again Sam." Gabriel reaches up to brush his hair out of his eyes. "I'll catch you first. If you'll let me."

"Just don't let me crush you on the way down," Sam answered with a wry smile. It might have been safer to refuse and keep his defenses up, but that was so exhausting. It was too much of a temptation to just let go and let himself have what's being so freely offered.

"Thank you."

"Hey, I'm tougher than I look," he teases gently. Gabriel turned his right hand to show Sam his wrist and a small pair of wings tattooed there. "Besides I've got wings, see?"

Another gentle press of lips. "Right back atcha kiddo."

Sam touched the tattoo lightly with a fingertip. Wings... very appropriate for Gabriel. He smiled a little and nodded. "Fitting."

He shifted to rest his back against the headboard and pulled Gabe in close, content to sit there a while, holding on and exploring with careful kisses. Maybe he wasn't in much shape to do more, but this was enough. More than enough. It was just what he needed.

Neither of them were really ready for more. They were still too shaky, still working at finding their way back onto solid ground. But it was perfect, curled up in Sam's arms, exchanging small shows of affection and care. And in between, Gabriel talked. About what he wanted to do when he got out, where he wanted to go, what he wanted to see and all of it was with Sam.

Simple, stupid things like going to a coffee shop and watching people with the biggest cappuccino he could wrap his hands around. Read a book with Sam's head in his lap. Maybe get a dog.

"Always wanted a dog," Sam mused with a wistful grin, running a hand slowly up and down Gabe's spine. He liked this... liked having Gabe's warm, solid weight against him. It made him feel less disconnected to everything. More real.

"Dean has one. I miss that mutt."

"Good. Then you can help me pick one out. Something big too, a walking rug that likes to flop on people." Sam was comforting to be near. Quiet and steady, and stronger than he really gave himself credit for.

Yeah, Gabriel could get used to this. Just laying close and running a hand along his arm, leg, even toying with his hair. "Maybe we can see the mutt when we get outta here."

"Why do I get the feeling we're going to end up with a St. Bernard?" Sam laughed, shaking his head at the image. He kind of couldn't wait.

"I guess that means I have to start actually listening to what the doctors are saying..." That was going to be the hard part.

We. Yeah, he really liked the sound of that. "Hey, we can find a place with a good yard for it to run?"

Gabriel let his hand drift down Sam's arm to his hand. "I have faith in you kiddo. Few weeks and we can walk out of here together."

"With a dog that size, I think we'll have to." Sam wasn't sure he was capable of thinking of the future, right now, as anything but 'we' and 'us'. Alone is where he gets into trouble. Where he slips and falls. Here, with Gabe, is the first time he's felt anything like balance. Or hope.

He gave Gabe's hand a squeeze and flashed a lopsided grin. "I guess it's a date."

My life's a jigsaw puzzle with the corner pieces missing.

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