milesfromfine | My life's a jigsaw puzzle with the corner pieces missing.

My life's a jigsaw puzzle with the corner pieces missing.

True to their word, Ellen and Bobby had Sam in a real rehab center just as quick as they could arrange it. He wasn't sure how they'd managed it financially and that worry weighed on him as much as all the rest. Another item to add to the miles-long list of ways he'd complicated their lives.

He hadn't seen or heard from Dean since Bobby found him in that motel, either. His brother might have finally given up on him. Sam couldn't help but be a little glad for him, even though he felt the loss like a physical wound every day.

The rehab place wasn't... awful. Sam was messed up enough to resent being there and the withdrawals he suffered through in the first few days were horrific, although they did have medicines that helped a little. After he'd come through them and began to resemble something more like human, they'd started his treatment.

Or, tried to, anyway. Sam wasn't really interested in 'opening up' to strangers and being locked in a place he couldn't leave wasn't really encouraging him to change his mind on it. Progress was slow. Very slow. Sam wasn't sure he'd ever get to leave the place, which was probably exactly what he deserved.

The only part of the whole mess that didn't suck completely was the time each day that he was permitted to sit in the sun room with the other patients. He hadn't really done much in the way of mingling, but it was nice to sit in the seats along the big windows and feel the sun on his face for a while.

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If they both started crying, Sam was doomed. Still, as far as first introductions went, he was pretty pleased with this one. Gabe got a smile and a hug which was pretty much perfect, as far as he was concerned. Then Ellen welcomed him to the family and Sam felt himself flush, even as a pleased smile appeared on his face. Hey, he'd warned Gabe of his impending adoption. Too late to stop it now!

"She's already threatened us with years worth of home cooked meals," Sam informed him with a chuckle.

Maybe they really would be all right this time. Ellen released Gabriel and was using the heel of her hand to wipe away a few stray tears as he moved to sit beside Sam, tucking himself in close. They were a perfect match.

"And you could use it. Doesn't look like the food around here is doing anyone any favors," Ellen smiled. "I can start looking for a place close by if you think you're ready?"

The doctors had only said another week or two before they could downgrade Sam to an outpatient treatment plan. Ongoing therapy and monitoring, but he'd be able to live on his own again, find a quiet job or go back to school, the possibilities were endless.

At the mention of release, Sam felt that familiar wash of fear. Inside was safe. Outside was where the traps lay and dragons slept. Still, along with the fear and instead of the dread he was so used to, he also felt something like hope. This time, he wasn't going out there alone. And, this time, he wasn't going to brush off Ellen and Bobby and Dean... he'd actually take their help and try to build something with his life that, maybe, they could all be proud of.

He wrapped an arm around Gabe's shoulders when he settled in and nodded at Ellen, casting a sideways look at Gabe for confirmation. "Yeah, I think so..."

"Someplace with a yard. I kinda promised Sammy a dog." They hadn't talked about it much beyond a few fond 'what-ifs' while cuddled together in a room or basking outside in the sun. But maybe it was time that they really started planning in earnest.

It was kind of like talking about skydiving. The closer you got to the moment of truth the more exhilarating-slash-terrifying it got.

"So maybe a little house close by. I can kick in my fair share for whatever we find." Or just buy it outright and surprise Sam. Depends on how sneaky his Mom was and whether or not he could recruit her..

Sam had always wanted a dog and he was pretty damn excited about it, now. He'd been pretty envious of Dean and his pup.

Of course, the thought of how the place would be paid for was a little nerve wracking. Sam had nothing of his own and had already taken far too much from Ellen. "I'll see if I can maybe get access to a computer, here. Try applying for a few jobs in the area."

"You can always help at the yard if nothing comes up," Ellen offers. "Both of you if you need it." They needed a fresh start and a stable financial base was key to making it all work.

Gabriel shook his head. "I can pick up work pretty easy. Translation work is always in high demand in the private sector."

"But we don't need much. Couple of rooms, plenty of sun and a place to let a big ol dog run."

"Thanks, Ellen, for doing all that." Hell, just for offering. Sam knew some of what he wanted from this new life he was trying to build, but how to make it all happen was kind of a daunting idea.

He looked over at Gabe and smiled. They'd figure it out, somehow. Neither of them was going at it alone, this time.

The rest of the visit went just as well. Ellen asking a few questions about Gabriel - who he was, what he'd done for a living, just trying to get to know him as a new part of the family. She liked him immediately and the way they sat together was reassuring. Close and secure without being clingy and desperate. Healthy.

"We can sort all of that out as we go. Nothing saying it all has to be laid out right now."

Another hug on her way out, one for each of them, and Ellen kissed Sam's cheek. "We'll see you soon Sam. Both of you."

"Yeah, definitely." He smiled at her and the kiss. The visit had gone so well, he couldn't stop smiling. It had been ages since he'd felt this good. "Thanks again, Ellen. For everything."

"Tell Bobby and Dean hi for me, okay?"

He slung his arm around Gabe's shoulders again. He could finally think about the future and family without fear or dread. He was happy... anticipating... largely due to the man standing beside him.

Gabriel tucked himself in against Sam's side, looking up at him with an affectionate smile. "I like her. Just as awesome as you said she was." And those hugs. God. He could get used to those. "Hugs aren't quite as good as yours, but they're pretty amazing."

They were going to get out together. He'd already been cleared, but he was going to wait for Sam. Linger on a few days so they could walk to together, just as they'd promised.

"Not long now and we're going to be out of here. Just you and me Sammy."

Sam was close. He hadn't been as cooperative with the doctors as he could have been at the beginning, but he was making progress now. Shouldn't be too much longer and he could walk out and get on with his life.

He glanced at Gabriel and smiled, teasing. "Still time to change your mind and run, you know."

In reply he gets an elbow to the ribs followed by a grin. "No chance, Sasquatch. You're not losing me. Although I may have to start hitting the track more than once a day if your Mom cooks as good as you brag."

"You and me both. The way my brother puts away her pies, I dunno how he doesn't weigh six-hundred pounds by now." Sam shook his head and ruffled Gabe's hair lightly. "We may need two dogs to walk. Big ones. Lots of energy."

Gabriel snorted at the ruffle, leaning up to peck a quick kiss at the corner of his mouth. "There's a shelter not too far away. We can stop by on the way out. I've already gotten us cleared to walk out with a pup. No reason I can't talk 'em into a pair?"

"You did?" Sam couldn't help the grin that spread across his face at that. "When do you think we can go look?" Yeah, okay, he was maybe a little excited...

Gabriel loved that grin. It was infectious and he couldn't help but smile along with him. "I've got my walking papers, think we can probably talk the doc into an afternoon out? We can grab a cab down to the shelter and get to know some of the pups?"

Sam bent and brushed a kiss against Gabe's temple, tightening his arm around his shoulders. "That sounds like a great idea. I can promise to stay out of trouble that long, I think."

Gabe tended to be a good influence on him. "And maybe grab some ice cream on the way back?"

"We can both stay out of trouble when there's an afternoon of puppies and ice cream ahead," he squeezed Sam with a smile. They were good for each other. He could keep Sam from getting lost in himself and Sam reminded him that he could, in fact, smile and mean it.

"Call it a practice run for the day when we're on our way outta here for good."

"Sounds perfect. Let's do it." He grinned and grabbed Gabe's hand, tugging him toward the nurse's station. Before Gabe, he never would have thought to touch someone else so casually. Now, he didn't think about it at all. It was just that easy.

Gabriel lets himself be dragged over, laughing as they go. It's been a hell of a thing, watching how Sam has changed since they first met. He smiles more often, is quick to touch and Gabriel can't get enough of it.

Convincing the nurses to get a pass for the afternoon is a bit of a negotiation, but Gabriel helps finesse the discussion (good to know some habits haven't gotten too rusty) and they're headed back towards their rooms to get a few things while the nurse called for a cab.

"If we get two dogs, we can each name one, but today I totally call dibs on ice cream." He shoves his wallet into his pocket. "My treat."

It was fascinating to watch Gabe work. He could talk anyone into anything, Sam was sure. For his part, he just stayed close and tried to look both cute and responsible. It was getting easier.

He just about bounced when they got the okay to go. The problem with his newfound ability to actually feel things was that he now kind of had trouble reining it all in. On the whole, he supposed that was a better problem to have.

"Alright, if you insist." Sam shrugged and smiled, leaning against the door frame of Gabe's room. "I'll just get it next time."

Happy, completely boundless Sam was a thing of absolute joy. Gabriel couldn't get enough of how every positive emotion welled up and spilled over into his expression. He toes on his shoes and heads back to the door to raise up for a quick kiss. "Sounds like a pretty good deal to me."

The cab was quick and they slid into the back, Gabriel giving the address to the driver before sliding his hand into Sam's. Leaving the facility. They were taking their first steps together outside, making a new life together.

He couldn't wait.

"So. Couple of big dogs?"

There was a moment of free-falling fear when he stepped outside the front door. The clinic had been his home for months and kept him insulated from all the temptations that brought him down before. It was a little scary to leave that safety. Fortunately, he wasn't doing it alone.

Sam threaded his fingers with Gabe's and sat back in the cab, watching the scenery go by. He glanced over when Gabe spoke and he smiled. "Yeah, sounds good. With lots of personality and energy. Gotta be up for walks and lots of fetch."

It's always a little scary leaving the place, but with Sam at his side Gabriel barely notices. Holding hands, basking in the fresh air and the possibilities of a new life together. They were really going to do it. Get out and build something amazing. The two of them.

"Jack Russell. Bouncy little guys with tons of energy. Or maybe something a little bigger to keep up with those gigantor legs of yours," he teases with a wink.

Sam snorted and gave Gabe's hand a squeeze. "Always liked medium sized dogs. Labs, retreivers... maybe a pit bull."

Actually, a pit bull kind of appealed to Sam. He liked the idea of rescuing a dog nobody else wanted.

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