My life's a jigsaw puzzle with the corner pieces missing.

[milesfromfine]

True to their word, Ellen and Bobby had Sam in a real rehab center just as quick as they could arrange it. He wasn't sure how they'd managed it financially and that worry weighed on him as much as all the rest. Another item to add to the miles-long list of ways he'd complicated their lives.

He hadn't seen or heard from Dean since Bobby found him in that motel, either. His brother might have finally given up on him. Sam couldn't help but be a little glad for him, even though he felt the loss like a physical wound every day.

The rehab place wasn't... awful. Sam was messed up enough to resent being there and the withdrawals he suffered through in the first few days were horrific, although they did have medicines that helped a little. After he'd come through them and began to resemble something more like human, they'd started his treatment.

Or, tried to, anyway. Sam wasn't really interested in 'opening up' to strangers and being locked in a place he couldn't leave wasn't really encouraging him to change his mind on it. Progress was slow. Very slow. Sam wasn't sure he'd ever get to leave the place, which was probably exactly what he deserved.

The only part of the whole mess that didn't suck completely was the time each day that he was permitted to sit in the sun room with the other patients. He hadn't really done much in the way of mingling, but it was nice to sit in the seats along the big windows and feel the sun on his face for a while.

Comments

[milesfromfine]

"Oof." He was surprised into a little bit of a lopsided smile at Gabriel's laughter. Sam hadn't really meant to make a joke. It just sort of popped out.

"You, maybe. You seem like the flying type."

[low_key_angel]

Maybe it slipped out, but it was an encouraging sign. Meant that Sam wasn't as dead inside as a lot of the others in rehab. He still had a spark of something bright in him and Gabriel immediately resolved to make Sam smile as often as he could.

"Think if I get enough sugar in me I could hummingbird my way outta this joint?" He looks over Sam with a faintly critical eye. "We're gonna need it by the truckload if you're coming with."

[milesfromfine]

"I doubt I'm going anywhere for a while," he answered wryly. Even if he could leave, he wasn't sure he would. The rest of the world was just safer if he was contained.

He flopped back on the grass and let himself watch some clouds waft by. At least it was a nice day. Decent weather made things seem a little less crappy.

[low_key_angel]

Gabriel followed suit, laying on his side next to Sam. Probably too close, but if Sam hasn't complained about personal space yet, why start now? "Hm. Maybe, you never know."

"It's a nice day, company's good. Some days, 's not so bad here."

[milesfromfine]

A little closer than he was accustomed to, but Sam couldn't dredge up the energy to worry about it. He shrugged a little and nodded. "Maybe."

Then he snorted in amusement and tipped his head a little to peer at Gabriel. "The company's good? That's one I haven't heard for a long time."

[low_key_angel]

Gabriel lays a hand on his chest before resting his chin on it. That's twice now. He's on a roll. Looking pleased with himself, he grins up at him. "Then I'll just have to say it more often. The company is good, kiddo and the weather is nice."

[milesfromfine]

"Uh huh." Sam shook his head. "You know, if we weren't already locked up in a whacko basket, I'd be tempted to question your judgement, right now."

[low_key_angel]

He snorts out a laugh, "You wouldn't be the first to question it, kiddo. But 's okay. I think my judgement's just fine in this case. You're a nice guy, good looking, trying to make good - see? Good company all around."

[milesfromfine]

"You've only known me a few minutes..." That was way more praise than he was used to dealing with. And about 90% wrong, as far as he could tell. Even if a little part of him liked hearing it.

[low_key_angel]

"So? It's true." Gabriel rolls a shoulder, comfortable in the warm sun, cool grass and laying close to Sam. "I talk to people for a living, 've always had a good feel for them. And you? Got one of those good vibes going on."

[milesfromfine]

A cynical part of Sam had to wonder if this was some weird part of his therapy. Did they have chatty, friendly people to assign to every mental case to try and boost their self-esteem or something?

Still, it was nice to hear. Nice to pretend, for a moment, that he wasn't the albatross around his family's neck. "What do you do when you're not talking to people in rehab?"

[low_key_angel]

"Out there? When I'm not drinking myself blind, communications. Talking is kind of a thing for me. I facilitated negotiations for a big-ass corporation. Need a contract hashed out in Italian? I'm your man. A union bargain gone to hell in Thailand, send me in."

Usually to clean up the destruction and ill will that Michael and Lucifer tended to leave in their wake, but thinking about his brothers at all anymore makes him want to drink. So he avoided the topic when possible.

"But I wind up bouncing in and outta here so much they're thinking about keeping me."

[milesfromfine]

"Something tells me you're very good at your job." For all his self-imposed silence, Sam found himself enjoying Gabriel's running commentary and odd sense of humor. It was a relief from the dour hospital staff and his family's constant state of worry and agitation around him.

He smiled a little at the thought of Gabriel having a revolving door installed at the front desk, but he didn't want to think too much about leaving. Half of him was afraid he'd never get out and the other half was afraid he would.

[low_key_angel]

Gabriel snorted out a laugh, tucking in a little bit closer to Sam. There wasn't anything forward or intimate about the touch, he simply craved being near someone who wouldn't push him away. If Sam didn't mind him being close, then he was going to stay there and keep working to find ways to make him smile.

"Eh, it isn't all that it's cracked up to be out there. Therapy says I need to find a reason to stay sober. Then family shows up and those reasons go running for the liquor cabinet." A deep breath. "Things are simpler here, y'know?"

[milesfromfine]

It was strange, but Sam didn't really mind the touch too much. He thought he might, at first, but it'd been so long since he had someone to curl up with. There was no shortage of affection from Ellen at home, but he'd been withdrawing for a while before they sent him to the rehab. And he couldn't remember the last time he and Ruby--

Well, he didn't really want to think about her, either.

"Can't argue with simpler. Especially once your reason to stay sane goes up in smoke." Literal smoke.

[low_key_angel]

Gabriel winked, content to drape himself over Sam in the warm sunlight. Easily the best body pillow ever. Quiet, uncomplaining and happy to let him stay right where he was. "Mine never went up in smoke - not really. Most of the time family was good enough to make sure I didn't stay sane for too long."

He rested his cheek on Sam's chest, listening to the steady thrum of his heart. "They've been fighting for as long as I can remember."

[milesfromfine]

"For good reason or just because?" He asked curiously. For the most part, Sam's family got along. He was the only real monkey wrench in the works. If not for his problems, they'd be a pretty happy bunch.

[low_key_angel]

He grunted, unconsciously curling in closer against Sam as if the big guy could somehow shield him from his family issues. "I think it used to be for good reason. Now.. they kind of live to hurt each other."

A heavy sigh. "And me." Or use him as ammunition in their fights. You're doing this to him and it's your fault and they didn't seem to get that if they'd just stop he'd be less inclined to get too drunk to care.

[milesfromfine]

"Sorry," Sam answered quietly, resting a hand against Gabriel's back. Sorry for bringing it up and sorry that it had to be that way. It seemed like such an inadequate response, but he didn't have anything else to give. If he had anything like answers, he wouldn't be where he was and in the shape he was in.

[low_key_angel]

The touch was more than welcome and Gabriel huffed out a weak laugh. "I try and just stay away from them. Seems like the further away, the better I am."

"Bitch of it is? I still love them, Sam. I probably shouldn't, but I do."

He rubbed his cheek against his chest. "You? Got family on the outside?"

[milesfromfine]

Sam felt a little twist of shame when Gabriel said he was better off away from his family. He knew his own family was better off at a distance from him, too. Hell, Gabriel probably was, too. These days, all Sam knew was how to wreck things.

"An older brother... and a couple of adoptive parents. Haven't really heard from Dean since I relapsed and Ellen and Bobby are the ones who are footing this bill for my latest screw up, here." He shrugged a little. "The arrangement's better for everyone. I've wrecked their lives enough."

[low_key_angel]

Gabriel had no intention of keeping his distance. Splayed out comfortably in the grass, basking in the sun, he didn't see someone who destroyed things. But, he always did have trouble picking out just how bad someone could be for him. Lucifer. Michael. Kali. The list went on and on.

He poked him in the ribs. "Trip up. Not a screw up. Big difference. And hey, least we're not alone, right?"

[milesfromfine]

"It was one hell of a trip, then." Sam sighed, but didn't bother to try and argue it further. He was tired of trying to push people away for their own good. Hopefully, Gabriel wouldn't get hurt, but Sam wasn't going to hold his breath on it.

"Yeah. It's nice to not be alone for a change." His family tried, but they didn't really understand.

[low_key_angel]

"Got a letter from my brother this morning," he murmured after a moment of comfortable quiet.

"I don't want to see him Sam. I love him, more than I probably should, but I don't want to keep doing this." Maybe if he could have this, a few moments of quiet and peace with Sam, maybe he could really find his way back this time.

[milesfromfine]

"I understand. Sometimes, you need to let go, for your own good." He rubbed circles against Gabriel's back, instinctively wanting to comfort as best he could. "People only have so much to give. Especially when you aren't getting anything back. It doesn't make you a bad person to protect yourself."