milesfromfine | My life's a jigsaw puzzle with the corner pieces missing.

My life's a jigsaw puzzle with the corner pieces missing.

True to their word, Ellen and Bobby had Sam in a real rehab center just as quick as they could arrange it. He wasn't sure how they'd managed it financially and that worry weighed on him as much as all the rest. Another item to add to the miles-long list of ways he'd complicated their lives.

He hadn't seen or heard from Dean since Bobby found him in that motel, either. His brother might have finally given up on him. Sam couldn't help but be a little glad for him, even though he felt the loss like a physical wound every day.

The rehab place wasn't... awful. Sam was messed up enough to resent being there and the withdrawals he suffered through in the first few days were horrific, although they did have medicines that helped a little. After he'd come through them and began to resemble something more like human, they'd started his treatment.

Or, tried to, anyway. Sam wasn't really interested in 'opening up' to strangers and being locked in a place he couldn't leave wasn't really encouraging him to change his mind on it. Progress was slow. Very slow. Sam wasn't sure he'd ever get to leave the place, which was probably exactly what he deserved.

The only part of the whole mess that didn't suck completely was the time each day that he was permitted to sit in the sun room with the other patients. He hadn't really done much in the way of mingling, but it was nice to sit in the seats along the big windows and feel the sun on his face for a while.

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Gabriel's been accused of having choice bits of his spine removed to relax that easily. He gives another languid stretch, winking at Sam. "Even though we're all stars of America's Least Wanted? Yeah, I know the drill. Been here enough times to know the drill."

He waggles his eyebrows at Sam. "Love affair with the bottle. You? What're you in for?"

"Everything," Sam answered honestly. If he could drink it, shoot it, sniff it, or otherwise introduce it to his nervous system, he'd done it. There didn't seem much point in denying it; he'd never been much of a liar.

"You've been here before?"

"Busy guy," he nods sagely. There's no recrimination, not even any sympathy really in his expression. They've both been there, done that, got the crappy tshirt. So why paste on all the false platitudes that came with AA and therapy when they never really worked to begin with?

"Yep. In and outta places like this the last ten years or so. But I kinda like this place. Decent food, good staff, and they let me keep a sugar stash to stave off the sugar shakes."

He leans forward, "But you've got all the look of a first-timer."

"Sugar helps?" He asked warily. It didn't really seem like much of a solution. If someone had offered him a chocolate bar during his detox period, he'd have shoved it someplace they wouldn't have enjoyed.

Gabriel's observation made him grin a little wryly. "Am I that obvious?"

"Always has. The ladies were right you know." Gabriel winked at a passing nurse. "Chocolate cures all. Helps with the booze detox. Replaces the sugar from the alcohol with just good ol' fashioned refined sugar. Hear it helps with just about everything except meth."

He grins easily, "Been around this block a few times, kiddo. Think I'd have noticed you before. Lemme guess, first time, just cleared out of detox?"

Sam snorted at that explanation. Hey, whatever worked. Sam wasn't about to deny someone their coping mechanism. It wasn't like his did him any good. No sense in raining on someone else's parade.

"Yeah. First professional one, anyway." He shrugged. Did being locked in his brother's bedroom against his will count? "Still not completely clear in the head, yet."

"Hey, if we were clear in the head we wouldn't be here," he joked.

Gabriel stretched and laced his hands behind his head. "Isn't that what the therapists always try and tell us? We're a little wrecked which is why we wind up on whatever we wind up on?"

"Point." If he was anywhere in the realm of right-headed, he wouldn't be there. It didn't much help his prognosis that he didn't believe it was a situation that could be corrected, either.

"You actually listen to the therapists?"

Gabriel snorts out a laugh. "If I listened to them would I keep winding up here? Nah, I've just been through this place enough times to know the routine backwards and forwards. Healing, responsibility, all that usual bullshit."

"Least the sun room is comfy, right?"

"The sun room is definitely nice." It was probably the only thing keeping him sane. Well, as sane as he got, anyway.

Sam turned back to the window and let himself soak up the warmth on his face. It was strange how he'd never taken time to appreciate something as simple as sunlight before. At his worst, he'd probably seen very little of it, too.

"You gone outside? Checked out the garden? There's a pretty nice pond outside." Gabriel is undaunted by Sam's quiet. In fact, he'd probably be concerned if Sam was chatty.

"Sun's nicer too. Wanna check it out?"

Sam was surprised Gabriel didn't move on. He wasn't exactly the world's best company. Hadn't been for years. He looked back over at his chatty companion.

"I didn't know it was an option..." Never asked. He'd just assumed they were locked up tight and keys potentially thrown away. "Okay."

He talked, it was kind of his thing. Some people withdrew, went a little nutty during rehab, but not Gabriel. Talking to other people was the closest he got to something like therapy. After all, if he couldn't help himself, why not try and at least be sociable?

"Sure. I don't think it occurs to a lot of folks that we can walk around outside, get a little fresh air. Something that smells a little less like despair."

Reaching out, Gabriel took his hand. "C'mon Stretch. Let's get some air."

"Uh..."

The touch took him by surprise. Most of the people here, even the staff, kept a pretty respectable distance unless they absolutely had to. It was weird to be grabbed so casually, but he didn't argue it. Coasting along was a skill he was getting very good at, so he allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and led out of the sun room.

Gabriel was a grabber. Personal space didn't mean much to him and if Sam didn't protest, sooner or later he was going to find the smaller man hanging off him. Touch was soothing, calming, and Gabriel was starved for it. He kind of hoped Sam was the same.

He chatted as they walked outside, pointing out the various orderlies, who could sneak in extra candy if you asked and Bob who was on cloud nine because he finally asked out Nancy over in the cafeteria. Everywhere they went, Gabriel knew someone.

Outside by the little pond, Gabriel flopped down in the cool grass. "There used to be a family of ducks that hung out here. Haven't seen them since I came back. Guess they moved on."

Sam thought all the chattering might get annoying after a while, but he found that if he didn't particularly pay attention to what was actually said, the wash of words were kind of soothing. A sort of companionable white-noise. Since it didn't seem to matter if he contributed or not, he just nodded as he let himself be pulled along.

He sat down in the grass beside Gabriel and looked out over the pond. It really was much nicer out there than inside.

"Maybe their therapy worked..."

It didn't matter really if Sam was contributing or not. Gabriel talked, he got a vaguely noncommittal 'mhm' for his trouble now and then, it was good enough. The grass was cool, the air fresh and someone actually wanted to spend time with him without making some excuse on why they had to leave.

Because sooner or later they all did.

Sam is rewarded with a burst of delighted laughter at the joke. Gabriel grins, clapping him on the shoulder. "Think we'll be able to fly outta here one day?"

"Oof." He was surprised into a little bit of a lopsided smile at Gabriel's laughter. Sam hadn't really meant to make a joke. It just sort of popped out.

"You, maybe. You seem like the flying type."

Maybe it slipped out, but it was an encouraging sign. Meant that Sam wasn't as dead inside as a lot of the others in rehab. He still had a spark of something bright in him and Gabriel immediately resolved to make Sam smile as often as he could.

"Think if I get enough sugar in me I could hummingbird my way outta this joint?" He looks over Sam with a faintly critical eye. "We're gonna need it by the truckload if you're coming with."

"I doubt I'm going anywhere for a while," he answered wryly. Even if he could leave, he wasn't sure he would. The rest of the world was just safer if he was contained.

He flopped back on the grass and let himself watch some clouds waft by. At least it was a nice day. Decent weather made things seem a little less crappy.

Gabriel followed suit, laying on his side next to Sam. Probably too close, but if Sam hasn't complained about personal space yet, why start now? "Hm. Maybe, you never know."

"It's a nice day, company's good. Some days, 's not so bad here."

A little closer than he was accustomed to, but Sam couldn't dredge up the energy to worry about it. He shrugged a little and nodded. "Maybe."

Then he snorted in amusement and tipped his head a little to peer at Gabriel. "The company's good? That's one I haven't heard for a long time."

Gabriel lays a hand on his chest before resting his chin on it. That's twice now. He's on a roll. Looking pleased with himself, he grins up at him. "Then I'll just have to say it more often. The company is good, kiddo and the weather is nice."

"Uh huh." Sam shook his head. "You know, if we weren't already locked up in a whacko basket, I'd be tempted to question your judgement, right now."

He snorts out a laugh, "You wouldn't be the first to question it, kiddo. But 's okay. I think my judgement's just fine in this case. You're a nice guy, good looking, trying to make good - see? Good company all around."

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