milesfromfine | My life's a jigsaw puzzle with the corner pieces missing.

My life's a jigsaw puzzle with the corner pieces missing.

True to their word, Ellen and Bobby had Sam in a real rehab center just as quick as they could arrange it. He wasn't sure how they'd managed it financially and that worry weighed on him as much as all the rest. Another item to add to the miles-long list of ways he'd complicated their lives.

He hadn't seen or heard from Dean since Bobby found him in that motel, either. His brother might have finally given up on him. Sam couldn't help but be a little glad for him, even though he felt the loss like a physical wound every day.

The rehab place wasn't... awful. Sam was messed up enough to resent being there and the withdrawals he suffered through in the first few days were horrific, although they did have medicines that helped a little. After he'd come through them and began to resemble something more like human, they'd started his treatment.

Or, tried to, anyway. Sam wasn't really interested in 'opening up' to strangers and being locked in a place he couldn't leave wasn't really encouraging him to change his mind on it. Progress was slow. Very slow. Sam wasn't sure he'd ever get to leave the place, which was probably exactly what he deserved.

The only part of the whole mess that didn't suck completely was the time each day that he was permitted to sit in the sun room with the other patients. He hadn't really done much in the way of mingling, but it was nice to sit in the seats along the big windows and feel the sun on his face for a while.

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Even in his misery, Gabriel can't help but notice that little smile, the self-conscious duck of his head. He shifted closer to Sam, pressing his shoulder against his, grateful for the contact. "You're here Sam. That's what matters." That he's not alone to deal with the latest round of fuckery from his family.

Tucking his legs beneath him, Gabriel waved a hand at the door. "My brother came to visit. His visits aren't exactly a cause for celebration."

Sam shifted to loop an arm around Gabriel's shoulders. Gabe pulled him back from his own abyss several times. The least he could do was try to return the favor.

"What did he want?" He asked carefully. He wasn't sure if it was a subject they should talk about or not, but he wanted to be there to listen if Gabriel wanted to talk.

Gabriel lets Sam put an arm around him, draw him in near and he tucks himself in against his friend. The contact was what he needed at the moment. Warm, solid, good Sam. His head tipped to his shoulder, breathing in the clean cotton scent of his tshirt.

"My brothers are always fighting - Michael and Lucifer. They've been doing it for as long as I can remember."

"Today Michael, he," Gabriel swallowed hard. "He threw Lucifer out of the house, destroyed him. He's even threatening to throw him in jail just because he's threatened by him. I've begged Lu for years to get away. Walk away from Michael and he's not going to."

"I'm going to lose both of them, Sam."

"I'm sorry..." It sounded so trite, but Sam didn't know what else to say. Powerless was a feeling he was well used to, although the familiarity didn't make it any easier. If he had any useful life answers, he wouldn't be the wreck of a human being he was.

"I think... maybe..." Man, he was bad at this. "Maybe, if they've been at it so long, there's probably not anything you can say or do to change it. They've probably gotta just get it out of their systems."

He shrugged and squeezed Gabriel's shoulders lightly. "Maybe all you can do is take care of yourself and hope to catch them when they fall?"

He might not feel like he's any good at it, but what Gabriel needed was comfort more than another way to solve a seemingly impossible problem. With a shaky breath he nodded, unwilling to give up even a fraction of the contact.

"I've been watching them go at it for years, and I don't think I've got it in me to keep watching. If I do I'm gonna crawl inside a bottle and never come out again. But they're all I've got, you know?"

This time he does raise his head, the vaguest idea of a smile tugging at his lips. "Maybe not everything, but you know what I mean."

Sam gave him a crooked smile. "I know what you mean. Family's important and it's hard to let them go. At least, that's what I keep getting told."

Ellen was pretty darn adamant about it, too.

Reaching up, Gabriel cupped his cheek, stroking his thumb along his jaw to find that dimple he didn't see nearly enough of most days. "Your family seems pretty awesome Sam. I can see where you get it."

"Nah, I'm the black sheep." Sam chuckled and blushed a little. He was getting more used to the casual, affectionate touches, but they still caught him by surprise sometimes. Or maybe it still surprised him to think someone without any familial obligation to him actually thought he was worth so much. "They are really awesome, though. I'll never be able to repay them for everything they've done for me."

"Cute sheep either way." Gabriel can't help himself, especially when he catches a glimpse of that dimple, the self-conscious duck of his head when he touches him. He was getting better. They both were. At least he hopes so.

"Yeah you will Sam. You'll get outta here and you're gonna get better. Make 'em proud."

The 'cute' comment got a deeper blush, but Sam didn't pull away or brush it off. He was trying. Trying to learn to accept good things when they came, instead of avoiding them to punish himself. It was a hard habit to break, though.

"I hope so," he murmured. "I want to. Always have."

He was getting better at not pulling away. Sure, there was still that self-conscious duck of his head, but it was never going to stop being adorable. Gabriel tucked in close against him. "You will Sam. I'm sure of it."

A slow exhalation as he scrubs at his face. "Good family like that? You've got someone to go home to."

Him on the other hand? He's not so sure about.

"Yeah..." He trailed off a minute, picking up on Gabriel's renewed melancholy and he could guess what it was about. Sam was lucky. He had a wonderful family... much, much more than he deserved. Gabriel was a far better person with a lot less to look forward to. It wasn't fair.

"You should probably get used to them." He said, finally. "Ellen's known to adopt in the people Dean and I drag home." Well, except for Ruby, but that was Ellen's good sense winning out over Sam's self-destruction.

"She's already trying to feed up my brother's boyfriend. I hope you like fried chicken and pie."

Adopt? Gabriel looked up, startled. Sam wanted to take him home? "Really? You'd drag me home? I'd ah, I'd like that. And for the record, I happen to love fried chicken and pie."

His smile warmed and he shifted to look up at Sam. Going home with someone. A real family.

Maybe rehab wouldn't suck quite so hard this time.

"I think I might have to kiss you now, Sam."

Another blush and duck of his head. Seemed he was doing that a lot lately, especially where Gabriel was concerned. Even so, he was kind of happy that he could put the smile back on Gabe's face.

"It's been a while. I might've forgotten how."

That blush was absolutely going to be the death of him. Gabriel leaned in closer. "Me too. I'll be gentle Sammy."

It's a gentle touch, just a warm press of slightly parted lips as he slides his arm around Sam's shoulders.

It has been a while since he's been kissed, and never by a guy (that he can remember), but Sam found himself leaning into it. It was nice... much nicer than what he remembered with Ruby. Her kisses were all extensions of inner pain, lashing out to share the hurt. This was a different kind of sharing. Softer and more sweet.

His free hand came up to rest against the side of Gabriel's neck, thumb tracking lightly along the edge of his jaw.

Not bad for a first kiss, really. Soft and gentle, nothing too intense. Perfect. Oh he was in so much trouble here. Sam was kind and gentle, vulnerable in ways that only made Gabriel want to protect him while he healed and here Sam was doing the same for him. Cheering him up when his asshole brothers showed up to mess with any progress he might be making.

Gabriel reached up, stroking his fingers through his hair.

It was definitely not what Sam was used to, but he could get used to it, with a little time. And practice.

After a minute he pulled back a little, putting just enough space between them to see Gabriel clearly. The expression on his face was something like awe. Whatever he'd expected, the kiss ended up being so much more. "Wow."

Oh Gabriel can help him out with the practice. Lots and lots of practice.

His thumb swept over that dimple with a fond smile. Oh he wants to see that look on Sam's face every damned day. Maybe if he did, he'd realize just how special he was. How much people cared, how fucking hard he was falling for him.

A fond smile as he leaned in for another gentle kiss. "Couldn't have said it better myself Sammy."

For a second, the kiss went askew when Sam smiled a little. He was floating a little on the sensation, familiar like a high. Of course, that thought scared him more than a little. Highs always came with their crashes. Usually ugly ones.

Sam broke the kiss and drew Gabriel into a bear hug, resting his forehead against his shoulder. He dragged in a shaky breath. "I'm scared I'm going to fuck this up. I always fuck up good things. I don't want to hurt you... end up taking you down with me."

Gabriel wrapped his arms around Sam, content to sink into the strength of that embrace as he brought up a hand to rest in his hair. "Me too Sammy. But maybe.. we keep each other from falling down this time. They keep saying in therapy we have to find our reason for wanting to get clean and get the hell outta here."

He pulled back just enough to look down at him. "Don't know about you but I'm pretty sure I just found mine."

A reason to stay dried out this time, to stay sober and see if maybe he could make things work. Because if he could? Maybe him and Sam..

Well. Maybe.

It was a little daunting to think that he could be someone's reason for changing their lives. Ellen and Bobby had rearranged theirs a time or two because of him, but not like this. Sam wasn't sure he amounted to enough to be that reason Gabe needed.

But, he kinda wanted it.

"I hope so. I don't mind if it's me falling on my face, but I don't want to bring anyone else down to the gutter with me."

"So look at it this way then. I'm between you and the ground. You start falling, I'll be here to catch you before you faceplant." Not that he thought Sam would, or that he'd be enough to catch him. But it'd be nice to try for him.

"You're not gonna fall again Sam." Gabriel reaches up to brush his hair out of his eyes. "I'll catch you first. If you'll let me."

"Just don't let me crush you on the way down," Sam answered with a wry smile. It might have been safer to refuse and keep his defenses up, but that was so exhausting. It was too much of a temptation to just let go and let himself have what's being so freely offered.

"Thank you."

"Hey, I'm tougher than I look," he teases gently. Gabriel turned his right hand to show Sam his wrist and a small pair of wings tattooed there. "Besides I've got wings, see?"

Another gentle press of lips. "Right back atcha kiddo."

My life's a jigsaw puzzle with the corner pieces missing.

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